WHY I STILL CAN’T BRING MYSELF TO FART OR BURP AROUND MY SPOUSE

I’ve been married for a little over six months now, and as comfortable as I am around my husband Robby, I still can’t bring myself to burp or fart in front of him.

Since we’re both in our 50s, you’d think I’d be past this already, but no. Midlife has its privileges, but not when it comes to gas. The fact is, I will do anything to avoid anything intestinal in my husband’s presence. This includes holding it in, sucking it up, breathing through it, and running away to blow it out. Am I old-fashioned, or just too much of a lady to let it rip? Aren’t some things better kept a mystery like bodily functions and flatulence? Or once you’re married, are all bets off?

Sorry, but I’m mortified at the thought of any gas passing through my cheeks — both sets. (Early in our courtship, Robby and I were watching “Behind The Candelabra,” and I laughed so hard at Michael Douglas doing Liberace that I accidentally tooted. I was so embarrassed I could have died.)

My husband, on the other hand, is a guy, and guys LOVE gas, as I’m finding out. They burp and fart with abandon, and think it’s hysterical. When Robby has something to share, he bombs away with a gust of air and a blast of laughter. New marriage be damned!

Much to my surprise, every one of my married girlfriends tells the same story about their spouse’s penchant for tooting. Most go like this: “Phil is just a fart looking for a place to happen. After he cuts one, he’ll say: “Thank you I made it myself, aren’t you proud?”

HA HA. You guys are SO funny! Groan.

I try not to encourage Robby, but the truth is, flatulence IS funny and even I can’t help cracking up. (Besides, if I held it in, it would come out somewhere else and we can’t have that, can we?) With the right timing and tenor, belching and breaking wind can be comic gold. I personally can’t do it, but I appreciate the talent it takes to pull off. For this Robby, you’re a genius.

One night we were sitting around watching TV and I thought I heard Robby let one, so I called him on it.

Me: Did you just say something?

Robby snickers like a mischievous 10-year-old.

Me: I thought so. Please use your words next time.

Robby: You live in Beverly Hills, don’t you speak Fartsi?

Fartsi. See what I mean? The comedy comes out everywhere in our house.

It takes getting used to though. Between never living with a guy and never having brothers, I’m relatively new to this gas passing in front of the opposite sex.

And then there are those flatulating couples who’ve turned gas-passing into a competitive sport, trying to one-up each other with every expulsion. I have a girlfriend who’s so gleefully gassy, her husband proudly describes her as a Union Carbide plant. If he farts down a grocery store aisle, she lovingly calls him a “crop duster” and high-fives him for his efforts.

The question is: Do love and gas mix?

While researching the subject, I found an AskReddit message board offering the following answers:

“After many years together, we have seen (and smelled) each other at our worst, whether it was nursing each other through food poisoning, the flu, post-surgical recovery, or just the aftermath of a big chili dinner. The odd fart or belch has to be something spectacular to make it onto the marital radar, and then is more likely to be the source of amusement than disgust. Helps if you keep your inner 10-year-old alive.”

“This sort of situation is both appealing and disturbing. I want to be so comfortable with my husband SO that I can fart in front of him and he can still think I’m sexy, but I also fear that after a while, the stench I am capable of expelling from my anus would eventually kill our relationship.”

“I don’t get people who hold in their farts forever. I totally do for the first several months of a relationship. Then one squeaks out after tacos or whatever, and opens the door. I particularly can’t imagine voluntarily holding your farts in for YEARS of marriage. Talk about uptight.”

“My wife still holds it in most of the time, but sometimes she will let one out and i find it incredibly endearing when she lets me in behind the “no-fart” curtain. It’s an honor, and a privilege.”

“Trust me, farting in front of someone doesn’t kill the romance of a relationship, having a stick up your ass does though.”

It’s been said that love means never having to say you’re sorry. I say love means never having to say you’re sorry for having gas.

Treva Brandon…Writer, speaker, fitness expert. Imparting wit and wisdom about life and late blooming love

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/treva-brandon/burping-and-farting-around spouse_b_6575292.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592

MINERALS FOR LIFE, A BASIC INTRODUCTION BY LAWRENCE WILSON, MD (5)

MINERAL SUPPLEMENTS

Most everyone today would benefit from a mineral supplement. An excellent and inexpensive one is kelp. It is available in capsules, tablets or granules, though the taste is not great. Kelp not only contains a great variety of vital minerals. It also contains alginates, which bind toxic metals that are found in all sea products. Dulse and other sea vegetables also contain many minerals but contain less or no alginates to protect against toxic metals.

Most people can take kelp. Its high iodine content is wonderful for most people. Occasionally it can cause nervousness if one is hyperthyroid. Other mineral supplements come in pill or liquid form. For example, brewer’s yeast is an excellent source of chromium and selenium. Beware of mineral supplements derived from ‘earth deposits’ as many contain toxic metals.

MINERALS AND THE SOIL

The quantity of minerals in our food is directly related to the soil on which the food is grown. Almost all our food, even organic food, is deficient in minerals for several reasons:

1. Modern agricultural methods often do not replenish all the minerals in the soil. Most modern fertilizers do not contain all the trace minerals.

2. Most crops are bred for higher yields, better taste or appearance, hardiness or bug resistance. However, they are rarely bred for a higher mineral content. High-yield crops produce much more food per acre, but the food is much lower in minerals because the amount of minerals in the soil is the same yet the yield is much greater.

3. Toxic sprays, insecticides and pesticides interfere with microorganisms in the soil that are required to make minerals usable to the crops. This can significantly reduce the amount of minerals available to the crops. Organically produced crops tend to have more minerals in them in part for this reason.

BIOLOGICAL TRANSMUTATION

Most scientists believe that once an element forms, it cannot change into another element except using extreme heat or pressure, as in a nuclear reactor.

Dr. Louis Kervan, a French scientist, performed simple experiments showing that living organisms can change one element into another at room temperature. For example, hens do not eat much calcium in their diet. However, their eggs are rich in calcium. In another experiment, seeds sprouted in sealed containers with only distilled water contain different amounts of elements than unsprouted seeds.

These experiments can be duplicated by any high school student. Dr. Kervan’s book, Biological Transmutations, is fascinating reading. Unfortunately, the ideas are so revolutionary they are ignored in mainstream physics and biology.

PRINCIPLES OF MINERAL NUTRITION

1. To obtain vital minerals, eat fresh, natural foods. Refined and junk foods usually have their minerals stripped away. If you don’t eat plenty of vital minerals, your body will take up toxic metals as substitutes.

2. Eat a variety of foods. It is impossible to get all the minerals one needs on a limited diet. Don’t eat the same food every day. Vary your proteins, carbohydrates and vegetables. Do not eat fruits, in my opinion. They contain mainly toxic forms of potassium, for instance, and too much sugar today. This is unfortunate, and I know most health authorities recommend them, but we find them unnecessary, not a good source of minerals, and always harmful. An exception is the botija olives.

3. Use supplements. I recommend only kelp and sea salt as excellent mineral supplements for everyone. Avoid most herbs and other sea vegetables such as dulse. Rice polishing, wheat germ are not bad. Be extremely careful with so-called colloidal mineral supplements from clay deposits, and also avoid all humic acid or fulvic acid mineral supplements. These often contain aluminum, lead, cadmium and other toxic metals. Read labels carefully.

4. Avoid sources of toxic metals as much as possible.

5. Women, for healthy pregnancies and happy children, improve your mineral nutrition before getting pregnant. Toxic metals and mineral deficiencies are passed on to children.

REMOVING TOXIC METALS

We use a number of methods all at the same time to remove toxic metals and help restore the proper balance of mineral. This is an important part of the science of nutritional balancing, which is explained in other articles on this website.

For the methods used to remove toxic metals, read Toxic Metals on this website.

For more information about chelation, a method to remove toxic metals that I find harmful in all cases, read the article on this site entitled Chelation Therapy.

I also do not recommend natural chelation with products such as Metal-Free, NDF and similar ones. These are often derived from chlorella, cilantro, zeolite or other sources. They, too, are less effective and dangerous, as they too remove some vital minerals and deficiencies can develop very slowly and insidiously.

I also do not often recommend high-dose intravenous vitamin C therapy for chelation. It is unnecessary for this purpose and always disturbs the delicate mineral balance because vitamin C also removes vital minerals including copper, zinc, manganese and others.

CONCLUSION

Minerals, from calcium and magnesium to the trace elements such as zinc, are perhaps the single most important group of nutrients. They are required for every body function, from activating muscles and nerves, to digestion, energy production and all healing and regeneration of the body.

Restoring your vital minerals is a lifetime work, but does not have to be difficult. Mainly it involves recalling that our food is generally mineral deficient, and our environment contains toxic minerals no matter where one lives.

Healthful habits of living and eating, and simple supplements such as kelp, are a good start to rebuilding your body’s vital minerals.

Other approaches, mainly nutritional balancing science based on a properly performed hair tissue mineral analyses, can help greatly to systematically remineralize the body and remove two dozen toxic metals, along with hundreds of toxic chemicals from the body.

Resources?

http://www.drlwilson.com/Articles/MINERALS%20FOR%20LIFE.htm

MINERALS FOR LIFE, A BASIC INTRODUCTION BY LAWRENCE WILSON, MD (4)

MORE MINERAL BASICS

Here are some axioms about the vital topic of minerals:

· The body always has a preferred mineral in each metalo-enzyme binding site. Nutritional balancing science restores the preferred mineral in millions of enzymes in the body, and that is how it improves your health at very deep levels.

· Each mineral literally has personality traits associated with it. This fascinating topic is discussed in some detail in the textbook, Nutritional Balancing And Hair Mineral Analysis (2010 edition) and in the article entitled Personality And Nutritional Balancing.

· Minerals display a quality called movement. This means that minerals tend to move or vibrate a person in certain ways. This is a complex physics topic that is discussed in a separate article entitled Minerals And Movement.

· Most everyone alive today was born deficient in vital minerals and with excessive levels of toxic metals. This occurs because mothers are deficient and toxic.

· Any woman even contemplating having children some day ought to begin now to replenish her vital minerals because deficiencies and toxicity are so widespread.

· Practically all our food today is lower in trace minerals than it was 100 years ago. This has been documented in books such as Empty Harvest. The reasons have to do with modern agriculture and are explained below. Studies on healthy primitive tribes by Dr. Weston Price, DDS found they were eating 5 to 10 times the amount of minerals than modern people eat.

· When vital minerals are deficient in the diet, the body picks up toxic metals from the environment. Thus, eating plenty of the vital minerals is essential to reduce the buildup of toxic metals.

· Today we are exposed to levels of toxic metals and toxic chemicals never before seen on this planet. This is due to industrialization, mining and environmental pollution.

· Stress causes our bodies to use more minerals. Zinc is eliminated within minutes of a stressful situation. Calcium and magnesium are eliminated in the urine as part of the fight-or-flight reaction. Simplifying your life, slowing down and reducing stress are most important to maintain healthy mineral levels.

DIET AND MINERALS

Minerals, unlike many vitamins and other substances, cannot be manufactured within our bodies. We must eat them daily in our diets. Furthermore, one must eat organic food to even approach the amount of minerals our bodies require for optimum health. A study in the Journal of Applied Nutrition found that organic produce purchased randomly at Chicago health food stores had an average of five times the mineral content compared to conventional produce.

Using sea salt, rather than so-called table salt, helps one to obtain trace minerals. Most of the minerals are refined out of common table salt. Good quality sea salt usually does not raise blood pressure or harm the body in any way. Refined table salt, however, is a junk food. It often contains added toxic metals as well such as aluminum.

Other mineral-rich foods are organic vegetables, especially root vegetables. Whole organic grains, nuts and seeds, fish and good quality meats are other good sources of minerals. Fruits are not as good sources, as they are mainly water, fiber and sugars.

Kelp is another excellent source of minerals that I recommend for everyone.

Cooking and Minerals. Eating cooked food is actually much better for obtaining minerals than raw food. This is because cooking helps break down the fiber in food, releasing the minerals and allowing better utilization of the food. Also, cooking often concentrates the food, permitting one to eat less and still obtain the same quantity of minerals. Cooking usually does not destroy the availability of minerals. A little raw food is excellent to obtain certain vitamins lost in cooking such as vitamin C. However, more than this tends to cause mineral deficiencies in my experience. To get more minerals, cooked food is much better. We simply do not have the kind of digestive system that a cow or horse has – with four stomachs and so on – to be able to get enough minerals from raw food. I used to be a fan of raw foods, as they are good for fiber and vitamins, for example. However, I was forced to change my mind when the hair tests and other methods started showing how mineral deficient everyone who lives on raw food becomes.

Good quality spring or mineral waters can be excellent sources of trace minerals. Tap water contains minerals, but almost all of it contains many harmful chemicals as well, and is best avoided.

Distilled water can help remove toxic substances from the body. However, it does not contain minerals and for this reason I do not recommend it as a long-term drinking water.

Reverse osmosis and bottled “drinking water” also contain no minerals and are damaged by the reverse osmosis processing of the water. Avoid RO and drinking or purified waters for this reason. Drink only distilled for short term use or spring water.

Demineralized foods to avoid include white flour, white rice, white sugar, refined ‘table’ salt and all artificial or chemical foods. These have been stripped of a significant amount of their trace minerals. Skip them all if you want to maintain adequate mineral levels. Brown or “raw” sugar, honey and maple syrup are better than white sugar, but are still mineral-deficient.

A digestive aid can help assure that food is broken down thoroughly to obtain the most minerals from the food. Excellent digestive aids include pancreatin and ox bile. The others are not as good, but may be used as well.

Mineral absorption. Many minerals are absorbed in a particular way. In the stomach, they are mixed with proteins or amino acids, which serve as carrier substances to assist their absorption. This process requires an acidic stomach and the presence of enough protein in the diet. The process is called chelating the minerals. In their chelated form, they are far more absorbable.

This is different from chelation therapy to remove toxic metals. In that process, a drug or other natural substance is ingested or injected into the body that has the capability of grabbing onto certain minerals and removing them from the body. I do not recommend this therapy in most case. For more on this topic, read Chelation Therapy on this website.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

Related articles

• 5 Foods That Will Detox Your Body, Naturally!
• Why You Desperately Need to Supplement Minerals