Police are looking for a suspect who stole a truckload of nuts.

The police in Michigan, came up with a unique way of finding the suspect wanted for stealing $128,000 worth of nuts.

They issued a mugshot of a squirrel and posted it on Facebook.

18 pallets or roughly 28,000 pounds of packaged walnuts and other snack nuts went missing. The value of the cargo was over $128,000.

The Shelby Township Police Department published the mugshot of the squirrel to GET people’s attention and help with finding the suspect.

Police said that a tractor trailer loaded with 18 pallets of about 28,000 pounds of assorted nuts was stolen. The truck was later found in Detroit, but the entire shipment of nuts was missing.

After posting the mugshot of the squirrel, they warned people not to call to turn the squirrel in to police. “Please do not call about squirrel sightings,” the police wrote on Facebook.

The police department assured people that the squirrel is not a suspect in the case, and that the mugshot image was only used to draw attention.


10 NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR ANGRY BLACK CHICKSI’m not very attached to New Year’s resolutions, but I end up making them every year anyway. They’re usually vague and pretty universal like gain more confidence, work harder and stop watching crappy TLC reality shows (jokes, as if anyone wants to let go of My Strange Addiction).

But resolutions are a lot more attainable when they really clue in on specific challenges that you face. I have plenty of those, but my most cathartic gripes are about being a young black woman who is single and ready to mingle. Yeah, we have to put up with a lot of shit on a daily basis—in the media and everyday life–so why not center some hopes and dreams for 2014 on being the best kind of angry black chick I can be?

Here are 10 New Year’s resolutions every young black woman should adapt this year:

1. Test your white friends’ ride or die status: If I can refer to “white people” while complaining about racist bullshit without my white friend looking constipated, then they’re a keeper. Ditch the ones who aren’t down. Side eye the ones who go to great lengths to remind you that not all white people are like that. Side eye and then ditch the ones who who call you a reverse racist.

2. Go natural without turning into a monster: Believe it or not, not everyone who gets a relaxer is self-hating and not everyone who gets a weave is an honorary white devil. Just because some other naturals only deep condition with the oil of a coconut just picked from a goddamn coconut tree while listening to Erykah Badu doesn’t mean you have to. Embrace your curls without being a pretentious asshole who rocks Ankh earrings. Unless they’re some really dope Ankh earrings.

3. Listen to empowering music throughout the year: Play “U.N.I.T.Y.” by Queen Latifah at least three times a week and Beyonce’s “***Flawless” twice a week. Unwind with “Back That Thang Up” by Juvenile every other Saturday. I think this is how feminism works, right?

4. Don’t flirt with folks who act like they got the black stamp of approval for basic shit: A few months ago I was having an in depth chat and flirt session with some dude and I mentioned that I went to Howard University, a historically black college. I swear, the next thing out of his mouth was about this book he was reading by—wait for it—a black woman. I guess I was supposed to be impressed—I mean, I definitely let dudes who went to Ivy Leagues know that I’ve read a few books by dead white men. So his little act might seem harmless, but this is a bad sign in my book. Next thing you know he’s going to start talking about how much he loves hip hop (conscious hip hop, though) and talk about how underrated Do The Right Thing is.

5. Learn how to twerk as an act of resentment: I can’t twerk because I just don’t have the hip-butt coordination to do so, but I’m going to learn how to this year if only to counter all the embarrassing Mileys out there who thought they were twerking their way through 2013 when they were just jiggling their thighs. I’m not one to wax poetic about the roots of twerking and its appropriation, but the mockery that has been made of it in the media after these clowns tried to do it makes me want to learn just to spite the haters.

6. Keep all the good slang on the DL: Seriously, remember what happened to ratchet?

7. Judge your friends’ worth by their knowledge of 80s/90s black sitcoms: If they haven’t seen every episode of Fresh Prince and haven’t accepted Denise Huxtable as their personal lord and savior, why bother talking to them? I’m so serious.

8. Find out if you’re someone’s Sassy Black Friend: Here’s the best test: Say something vaguely snarky and see if your non-black friend starts saying “Yas, girlfriend!” or “Gworl, please!” in the most square, stale way someone could possibly say “Yas, girlfriend” or “Gworl, please!” Walk away, boo.

9. Be yourself: This sounds like a throwaway resolution but let’s be real: It’s already hard for most of us to be ourselves, but it’s even harder when you’re already socialized to speculate how others might perceive you based on your skin color. People constantly want us to fit into boxes that conform to the narratives they’re comfortable with, only to get confused and thrown off when we—believe it or not—end up being more than ignorant stereotypes. I swear, I probably confound at least one white dude a month just by wearing a Joy Division shirt and rocking a bright red afro at the same time (the ultimate question: Do I look post-punk or post-ghetto?). Honestly, keep them guessing and keep being yourself. I’m so over worrying about whether or not I’m conforming to people’s shitty assumptions about black women and you should get over it, too. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

10. Buy more coconut oil: Good for the hair, good for the skin and good in a stir fry. So why not?

What other resolutions are essential for black chicks in 2014? Share them with us!

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Okotie’s last wedding

Okotie lacks moral right to question Oritsejafor — CAN

The Christian Association of Nigeria has challenged the founder of Household of God, Pastor Chris Okotie to manage his home and keep to biblical principles of one man, one wife.

The association was reacting to the demand by Okotie that its President, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor, should resign over the alleged involvement of his aircraft in the controversial $9.3m smuggled into South Africa by two Nigerians and an Israeli.

Okotie, had in a statement by Okotie on his church’s Facebook page, said, “Considering the collateral damage Pastor Ayo’s close relationship with the President has done to the Christian community, it is fit and proper for the Pastor to resign immediately as CAN President to salvage what remains of the battered image of the association.

“This is without prejudice to the on-going investigation on the matter. Denials of his culpability by the Federal Government, CAN officials and his own recent defense, does nothing to reduce the moral burden this whole saga places on his shoulders. As the titular leader of Christians in Nigeria, there’s now a serious crisis of confidence on his leadership and he ought to respond to it by resigning from his exalted position.”

But the Director of National Issues in CAN, Mr. Sunny Oibe, told SUNDAY PUNCH that Okotie was looking for popularity through Oritsejafor.

He said, “Is Chris Okotie a Christian? How many wives has he?

He should go and sort out himself. Even the government has exonerated Pastor Ayo of all the allegations. So, who is Okotie? Well, it is laughable if Chris Okotie should demand that Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor should resign as President of CAN.

“Chris Okotie should remove the log in his eyes before he begins to see a peck in somebody’s eyes. Pastor Ayo had a soaring integrity before he was elected the President of CAN. Who elected Chris Okotie to become the spokesperson of Christians in Nigeria?

“CAN will not like to join issues with Okotie because doing that will amount to making him popular. He is looking for popularity which he doesn’t have through Pastor Ayo and he is not going to get it.”

Copyright PUNCH.