COMRADES, you can now see that we are about to put those of our detractors, who have been suggesting that we are stranded when it comes to honouring our election promises, to shame as foreign investors are stampeding to ensure that our marvellous economic vineyard, the Zimbabwe Agenda for Sustainable Socio-Economic Transformation (Zim-Asset), starts delivering a bounteous harvest as we promised.

The latest foreign investor to come knocking on our door, begging for an opportunity to invest in the country, is a brother from Nigeria, the multi-billionaire, Aliko Dangote, who most of you had a privilege of meeting last week. He will be investing not less than US$1 billion, starting in the next few months.

This is in addition to the mega deals that we have already signed with our all-weather friends, the Chinese, the Russians, those from Belarus, in addition to the British, the French and to some extent the Americans who have been coming via proxies as they are feeling guilty of the way they have treated us in the past.

Our officials at the Zimbabwe Investment Authority are telling us that investors from these same western countries that conspired to impose illegal sanctions on us are nagging them day and night.

I just hope that the British will not be up to their traditional dirty tricks and try to discourage Cde Dangote from investing in the sectors he has shown keen interest in; coincidentally sectors on which our Zim-Asset is anchored, which sectors also happen to be the same that have interested the British in the past.

I can tell you the British are burning the midnight candle-light trying to strategise how they can throw spanners into this mega deal. But I can assure you that from the private discussions I had with Cde Dangote, the British have no chance at all of derailing this copper-bottomed deal.

You all know Cde Dangote is a close associate of our all-weather friend, Brother Olusegun Obasanjo, so it is a case of a mutual friend coming to do business with us, which explains why we had to exclude these deals from our no nonsense indegenisation laws. Besides, an African investor cannot be called a foreign investor in the strictest sense of the word… you all know that the law was crafted specifically to deal with investors who could be proxies of the imperialist West. Which is the same reason why we have also been sparing our Chinese and Russian friends from the harsh application of these indegenisation laws.

With all these mega deals coming to fruition, I can assure you that we can surpass the 2,2 million jobs that we promised our people.

Kindest regards

Yours sincerely


Mega deals

Of late, Zimbabweans have be-en hearing a lot about mega deals… and parochial as he has always condemned himself to be, Dr CZ’s idea of mega deals started and ended with figures that have always been bandied around in our media… this and that mega deal signed with Chinese investors worth US$400 million, this and that deal signed with Russians worth US$200 million and this and that deal signed with this and that investor worth US$100 million.

So Dr CZ’s idea of mega deals remained confined to those figures until last week when he followed international media reports about Russian President Vladimir Putin’s visit to China to talk about several deals, including one to sell gas to China for a princely figure of – wait for it – US$400 billion! Dr CZ had to repeatedly pinch himself to re-assure himself that he was not dreaming, because this deal was not even being described as a mega deal at all!

This left Yours Truly wondering if our deals, whose composite value is less than US$1 billion are individually called mega deals, what would a single deal worth US$400 billion be called? So much about mega deals!

Dr CZ now reluctantly agrees with African traditional wisdom that says a child that does not visit other households always thinks its mother is the best cook!


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